why the notebook sucks and we can definitely do better for ourselves.

This post will not be news to you. There are plenty of feminists that want to cram down your throat why Rom Coms are the devil. I would say I am about 25% hippie feminist, so I will only shove this a quarter of the way down your throat.

Now, I don't hate all chick flicks. I can't quite say that I am ever in awe of their unique story telling or witty word bandying, but I enjoy them, the way that I enjoy people watching. It makes me laugh, I am always surprised at how hard they're trying, and it also makes me sad. Because of how terrible it is. Haha, see how that works? For both? People watching? and movies? Moving on.

The very small section of my brain that is smart is wishes I wouldn't publicly admit this, but I pretty much love every Sandra Bullock romantic comedy(besides Lake House. Why is Keanu Reeves in ANYTHING?) . And I loooove sweet home alabama. But I can blame that on Josh Lucas' southern accent and blue blue eyes.

But The Notebook. This just makes me weep, though, not for the reason most women weep. I just hope that I am not the only person who feels this way, otherwise pretty much all of you will think I am some self-righteous pretentious non-intellectual (I am). Regardless, let me tell you why I think Nick Sparks is probably sitting in his piles of gold cackling at all womankind.

1. The Notebook is chock full of cheesiness. Which works on film. Because Ryan will say something like, "I would rather wait a thousand years to spend one day with you, than to have someone else for a hundred," and Rachel replies with a breathy, "You won't have to wait for a thousand years, because I'm here now," or something. And we all swoon, and think How fantastic Mr. Gosling is! He just always knows what to say. He's so manly because I am pretty sure he does stuff with wood or trees or something, but he is also so sensitive. I wish Tyler/Jason/Brad would say that kind of thing to me. But guess what we're missing here? The cheesy man line works because the lady is buying it. If TyJaRad really came up and said that to you, I bet your reply wouldn't be to passionately kiss him, or to promise that you'll never be apart. Your reply would probably be to squint inquisitively a little, and then ask him why, since he would wait a thousand years for a day with you, he can't put his dirty socks in the hamper. Seriously, socks in the hamper seems a like a much easier deal than a thousand years of waiting.

2. In this movie she moves away, and he writes her, like , what, a letter everyday? Never receiving a reply? And he keeps writing? This is just not realistic. For one, how does he even have that much to talk about? Unless he's writing her letters that sound like this:

 Hey lovey pants. I woke up at 7:30 this morning, which is funny, because usually I wake up at 7:45. But you already know that. I decided to treat myself by making toast in addition to my cold cereal for breakfast. Sooooo yummy. So then I went to work and did manly stuff. It was an okay day, except that my sandwich got squished by my juice box in my lunch box. Silly me for arranging it that way. But I guess you live and learn, right? And then me and Claude were having this hilarious conversation about the sound mud makes when you step in it. You know, that squelchy sound? Omg, Claude can do a perfect impression of it. Ssssqqqquuuueeeelllllcccch. Awww, I wish you could hear it. So then I went home and changed my clothes. Then I had to go to the grocery store. I bought milk, easy cheese, swiss rolls, organic peas, and 2 lbs of apples. It cost me $27. Then I had to go to the bank. It took me 784 steps  and 5 minutes 39 seconds to get from the grocery store to the bank. Then I went home and watched Zombieland. I love the part with Bill Murray. Bill-FREAKIN-Murray! Haha. I did, however, skip the previews. Usually I like watching the previews, but I wanted to get through the whole movie without falling asleep. Now I am going to bed. It is 10:58, so it's getting way late. I know you will never write back, but I can keep this going indefinitely, so don't worry! XOXO

Painful, right? I almost bored myself to sleep. So yeah, I think I've made my point about that being impractical.

3. One time I broke up with a guy. And I think I really hurt him. But he never told me that. Because when you break up with guys, they don't come crying back to you. I am pretty sure he has moved on with his life, but like I said, I have no idea. Since I never talk to him. Although I guess there is a slight chance I have been missing his letters in the mail, and I might bump into him and the house he is building for us to live in together.

4. We all know that parents can do their best, but if crafty teenagers want to be together, they will. So I'm not buying this tragic-victims-of-circumstance thing they're trying to pull off. What would probably be more realistic is if they made a movie about two working professionals that live in different cities that might have something, but since neither of them want to leave their job they may never know. But that would probably be a boring movie.


I think solution here is to just throw The Notebook away and watch Lord of the Rings instead. Because that movie is a LOT more realistic.