I really really do understand that if you want to keep a secret, the best place for that secret is not on your blog on the world wide web. This isn't the best place for gossiping about people. I know this. But What I am doing is not gossiping. It is venting my frustrations to my friends in a very public way. I know that probably someday one of my roommates will stumble upon my blog and there will be heck to pay. All well. This is a necessary evil.
Just a little update. The week after thanksgiving was the worst week of my life. So much to do before the next week of finals! I was ridiculously stressed. I broke down in tears a couple times. I actually can't recall whether or not I ate that week. It was awful. The next week, finals, was sort of stressful, but not nearly as bad as the week before. I felt very relieved. I had done what I could and I could wash my hands of everything else.
On the Sunday after finals I was particularly cheery. Dave and I had gone on a wonderful snowy walk the night before and run into a pretty Episcopalian church tucked in a neighborhood a couple streets over from my apartment. We decided to go because lately Dave and I have been talking a lot about his mission (The Morristown New Jersey Mission) and the other churches he was exposed to there. I think it's really fascinating to go to other churches. Anyway, we attended this great Episcopalian service that was intriguing and then went to OUR church, which was fantastic, as always. At church I invited some friends over to have dinner that night. Like I said, I like to cook. After church Dave and I decided to watch City of Angels. I had never seen it in its entirety, but it sounded sort of Sunday-ish. While Dave and I were sitting on the couch in a very clean apartment my roommate came downstairs and on her way out the door stopped long enough to say, "You know Kaitlin, it's really annoying when you touch my shit." Quote. Exactly. At that point everything heavy in my life crashed down. I was laid off and now I'm out of work. I ended up spending $13 of my own money on apartment improvement products because we had inspection. Then I cleaned the whole apartment by myself. My roommate just told me, in a very rude way, that everything that I've been working hard to keep nice and hold my sanity together was unappreciated. And she didn't even give me a chance to say anything back.
Now for my fair and balanced argument. I can see how what I was doing could be annoying. You always have a new pile of crap on your bed, stuff is inconveniently located in your room, and as my roommate said in a text later it may feel like you "can't live in your own apartment." I can see all this. However, I still just can't agree. This is why. 1. The living room and the kitchen do not exist as private storage space. This is space that belongs to all five of us that pay rent. 2. When people come over they spend their time in the kitchen and the living room. It's so embarrassing to have that small space be so cluttered.
So after a good hour sobbing into Dave's shirt, making, hosting, and cleaning dinner, and going to see the Southern Utah Orchestra's rendition of Handel's Messiah I left my apartment that night and haven't gone back since. I know that it's not the solution, but I know enough about myself to know that I need to cool down or I will make things worse.That is exactly what I am doing. I was so distraught because with a single sentence my roommate threw away the peace that I had tip toed around all semester for in my apartment. And that is the moment that my head exploded.
