Making friends: the creep-free method.

So. We moved into a new neighborhood in December. There are like a million people in our neighborhood with toddlers and fetuses, so we fit right in, but we don't really know anyone yet. I feel like friend-making is so time-consuming and scary. It's like dating in high school, but worse because your sanity is in jeopardy if you fail. Are there friend-making websites? Like, where I can put a profile and what I am looking for? It would look like this:

Twenty-something female seeking gal-pal that takes the time to spell out entire words when texting, will compliment me a lot, is roughly in the same socio-economic class, understands the basic functions of the government, will make me food, understands my Costco thing, has a good marriage (so she doesn't try and steal my awesome husband), is also wearing fat-pants, and watches the Colbert Report. Interested parties should provide me with a resume and oreo-flavored dessert.

...But instead I am going to try and make friends the old-fashioned way. I searched trusty-ole pinterest  to find printable valentines. I found lots, but not ones I wouldn't feel weird about giving to strangers/adults. Frankly, I don't want Dave and I to accidentally lead someone on and then break their heart. So I just made my own. And then I was thinking, how can I be the only person that wants to give other adults treats and cards for valentines and not creep them out? Here you go, internets.

So click on the link that will take you to my dropbox to download the front of the card, and then the back.
Now have a wonderful, friend-making, non-creepy Valentine's Day.

P.S. the fonts I used were The Skinny and KG Eyes Wide Shut, in case you also want to download them for free from dafont.com.

Stupid Things I Hear on The Train

Passenger 1: How did you get your phone to work? I am having lots of problems with logging onto my facebook with my droid.
Passenger 2: I don't know what to tell you.
Passenger 1: It's probably the government. I just bought a tricked out new sig [gun] so they've probably taken it over.
(later, still talking to Passenger 2)
Passenger 1: I used to make tons of money doing modeling, but I didn't have a car, so I couldn't keep it up.
Passenger 2: What do you do now?
Passenger 1: I work at a pizza place.
Passenger 2: Well, you can thank Obama. He just upped minimum wage to $10.10 [FALSE. Only applies to certain federal employees]

Then an unbelievable conversation followed where Pass. 1 detailed exactly how much he makes, his last break up, and how his mom pays his cell phone bill. Oh yeah, and then he started telling Pass. 2 about how he needs a woman he can cuddle with for two years, because he doesn't need intimacy (but he doesn't know the word intimacy. He used different terms).

Seriously. I couldn't stand this. It kept going. On and on. About everything. I finally had to put in my headphones and crank up my skrillex station on pandora. Let's move on.

Passenger A (50-something in a very fancy suit. Has been discussing his stock portfolio for like 5 excruciating minutes already): So, are you going to watch the State of the Union tonight?
Passenger B: I don't think I can stand getting any angrier.
Passenger A: I know. Did you hear how Obama is going to pass a bunch of laws this year by himself?

FALSE. You sir, with your fancy suit and wads of money, are an idiot. The Executive branch cannot legislate. The legislative branch does that. That is information you learn in the first five seconds of your high school gov class. I was sitting there reading my American Congress textbook as he was spouting this falsehoods two feet away from me. But instead of correcting him I just resented him for making so much money while being so dumb.

So. That was today.