I really really do understand that if you want to keep a secret, the best place for that secret is not on your blog on the world wide web. This isn't the best place for gossiping about people. I know this. But What I am doing is not gossiping. It is venting my frustrations to my friends in a very public way. I know that probably someday one of my roommates will stumble upon my blog and there will be heck to pay. All well. This is a necessary evil.
Just a little update. The week after thanksgiving was the worst week of my life. So much to do before the next week of finals! I was ridiculously stressed. I broke down in tears a couple times. I actually can't recall whether or not I ate that week. It was awful. The next week, finals, was sort of stressful, but not nearly as bad as the week before. I felt very relieved. I had done what I could and I could wash my hands of everything else.
On the Sunday after finals I was particularly cheery. Dave and I had gone on a wonderful snowy walk the night before and run into a pretty Episcopalian church tucked in a neighborhood a couple streets over from my apartment. We decided to go because lately Dave and I have been talking a lot about his mission (The Morristown New Jersey Mission) and the other churches he was exposed to there. I think it's really fascinating to go to other churches. Anyway, we attended this great Episcopalian service that was intriguing and then went to OUR church, which was fantastic, as always. At church I invited some friends over to have dinner that night. Like I said, I like to cook. After church Dave and I decided to watch City of Angels. I had never seen it in its entirety, but it sounded sort of Sunday-ish. While Dave and I were sitting on the couch in a very clean apartment my roommate came downstairs and on her way out the door stopped long enough to say, "You know Kaitlin, it's really annoying when you touch my shit." Quote. Exactly. At that point everything heavy in my life crashed down. I was laid off and now I'm out of work. I ended up spending $13 of my own money on apartment improvement products because we had inspection. Then I cleaned the whole apartment by myself. My roommate just told me, in a very rude way, that everything that I've been working hard to keep nice and hold my sanity together was unappreciated. And she didn't even give me a chance to say anything back.
Now for my fair and balanced argument. I can see how what I was doing could be annoying. You always have a new pile of crap on your bed, stuff is inconveniently located in your room, and as my roommate said in a text later it may feel like you "can't live in your own apartment." I can see all this. However, I still just can't agree. This is why. 1. The living room and the kitchen do not exist as private storage space. This is space that belongs to all five of us that pay rent. 2. When people come over they spend their time in the kitchen and the living room. It's so embarrassing to have that small space be so cluttered.
So after a good hour sobbing into Dave's shirt, making, hosting, and cleaning dinner, and going to see the Southern Utah Orchestra's rendition of Handel's Messiah I left my apartment that night and haven't gone back since. I know that it's not the solution, but I know enough about myself to know that I need to cool down or I will make things worse.That is exactly what I am doing. I was so distraught because with a single sentence my roommate threw away the peace that I had tip toed around all semester for in my apartment. And that is the moment that my head exploded.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thanksgiving Hangover
Over the years I have discovered a few things about myself:
1. I revert back to my child ways whenever I am at my parents' house.
2. I can't think when it's messy (unless, of course, I am at my parents' house).
3. I have problems with authority. I quickly become irate when told what to do.
4. For all my feminist leanings, I really love to cook and clean and ensure that my apartment smells like apple cinnamon.
5. I really DON'T like tuna fish. Odd.
6. I feel the greatest sense of urgency to blog when I am particularly annoyed.
Which is, of course, the case today. I love my parents. I have such a profound sense of gratitude for their generosity, especially now that I am in college and I can't seem to support myself with the job that I have. I can't seem to find a second job either. So, I make approximately $200 a month. I am trying to save up for next semester, but I am also trying not to starve. These are both difficult things.
The issue of money is especially frustrating in my apartmentship. I make the least amount of money. I am positive about that. I only work seven hours a week and make less than eight dollars an hour. However I am always the one in my apartment that cleans and I have even spent my money at Robert's for decorations of our apartment when they have the 75% off sales. I also enjoy cooking, so many a time I have fed more than just myself. At one point in time I also bought a giant package of toilet paper to put in our bathroom. When we were out of handsoap I sacrificed my bath & body works soap for the main bathroom (as opposed to the private sink in my own bedroom) and then when that soap was out, I went and bought refill soap for our ceramic hand soap pump. I just feel that if I don't do it, no one will. This is quite a good setup for my roommates, but not for me.
Hopefully you will understand why exactly I was annoyed when my roommate came to me and told me that I needed to give her a few dollars because we were out of toilet paper. It's really not about the couple dollars (which I gave to her). It's the principle of the matter. I have the least to give, but I honestly feel that I contribute the most. I already contributed a buttload (haha) of toilet paper. I even did an experiment where I cleaned every inch of my apartment and then didn't touch it, just to see if anyone else cleaned. No one does. People sometimes de-clutter, but they don't clean. Especially not anyone else's stuff. This is frustrating, because on many occasions I have created stacks of junk for each roommate and just put their items in their room. I don't understand why everyone is just out for themselves. It seems impossible for them to be concerned about larger things as a whole. They just want to do their own thing and ignore everyone else. I don't understand.
I am in a sticky situation. I need more cleaning supplies, but I refuse to buy them because I am the only one that ever even uses them. How is that fair to me? So my apartment is getting dirty, I can't think, and I am afraid to bring any of this stuff up to my roommates. It seems impossible to keep the peace and a clean house. I need to get married.
1. I revert back to my child ways whenever I am at my parents' house.
2. I can't think when it's messy (unless, of course, I am at my parents' house).
3. I have problems with authority. I quickly become irate when told what to do.
4. For all my feminist leanings, I really love to cook and clean and ensure that my apartment smells like apple cinnamon.
5. I really DON'T like tuna fish. Odd.
6. I feel the greatest sense of urgency to blog when I am particularly annoyed.
Which is, of course, the case today. I love my parents. I have such a profound sense of gratitude for their generosity, especially now that I am in college and I can't seem to support myself with the job that I have. I can't seem to find a second job either. So, I make approximately $200 a month. I am trying to save up for next semester, but I am also trying not to starve. These are both difficult things.
The issue of money is especially frustrating in my apartmentship. I make the least amount of money. I am positive about that. I only work seven hours a week and make less than eight dollars an hour. However I am always the one in my apartment that cleans and I have even spent my money at Robert's for decorations of our apartment when they have the 75% off sales. I also enjoy cooking, so many a time I have fed more than just myself. At one point in time I also bought a giant package of toilet paper to put in our bathroom. When we were out of handsoap I sacrificed my bath & body works soap for the main bathroom (as opposed to the private sink in my own bedroom) and then when that soap was out, I went and bought refill soap for our ceramic hand soap pump. I just feel that if I don't do it, no one will. This is quite a good setup for my roommates, but not for me.
Hopefully you will understand why exactly I was annoyed when my roommate came to me and told me that I needed to give her a few dollars because we were out of toilet paper. It's really not about the couple dollars (which I gave to her). It's the principle of the matter. I have the least to give, but I honestly feel that I contribute the most. I already contributed a buttload (haha) of toilet paper. I even did an experiment where I cleaned every inch of my apartment and then didn't touch it, just to see if anyone else cleaned. No one does. People sometimes de-clutter, but they don't clean. Especially not anyone else's stuff. This is frustrating, because on many occasions I have created stacks of junk for each roommate and just put their items in their room. I don't understand why everyone is just out for themselves. It seems impossible for them to be concerned about larger things as a whole. They just want to do their own thing and ignore everyone else. I don't understand.
I am in a sticky situation. I need more cleaning supplies, but I refuse to buy them because I am the only one that ever even uses them. How is that fair to me? So my apartment is getting dirty, I can't think, and I am afraid to bring any of this stuff up to my roommates. It seems impossible to keep the peace and a clean house. I need to get married.
Friday, November 21, 2008
I feel compelled...
I suppose at some point I should join the world blogging. It's peer pressure. I am almost sure that no one is really that interested in what I have to say, but this is easier than writing in a journal. And far more legible. I only have about ten more minutes to write my maiden post before class. It's going to be spastic.
I am a double major in history and poli sci at this point in my life. I am ridiculously nerdy and I love both of those things. However, the list of things I DO NOT love includes: cats, cocky boys, cocky girls, science, fatigue, grinding my teeth, sticky lipgloss, runny noses, miscommunications, close-mindedness, fake people, and buying things with my money. That, of course, is not an all-inclusive list. It goes on and on. If you so desire I can keep going for about a month more on that, which would acutally go against one of the things on my list, ridiculously long and pointlesss things to read. Oh no. I suppose this blog itself goes against that. And perhaps many blogs in general (don't be mad). All well. I am catching up with the rest of the world at the expense of my own values.
I am a double major in history and poli sci at this point in my life. I am ridiculously nerdy and I love both of those things. However, the list of things I DO NOT love includes: cats, cocky boys, cocky girls, science, fatigue, grinding my teeth, sticky lipgloss, runny noses, miscommunications, close-mindedness, fake people, and buying things with my money. That, of course, is not an all-inclusive list. It goes on and on. If you so desire I can keep going for about a month more on that, which would acutally go against one of the things on my list, ridiculously long and pointlesss things to read. Oh no. I suppose this blog itself goes against that. And perhaps many blogs in general (don't be mad). All well. I am catching up with the rest of the world at the expense of my own values.
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