therapy on the cheap

I am gonna start by shocking your pants off. People. I hate spending money. Even if I HAD money to spend, I don't think I'd be able to spend it. I have "genetic spending paralysis". Well, let me rephrase. I am genetically programmed to throw up on things that aren't on clearance. "On Sale" is just a fancy term for "not clearance". I don't think Dave has any idea how lucky he is that I have this defect.

But sometimes, life gets to me. I like to have direction and a plan, even if it is vague. Right now I don't. We thought the next step in our lives was this PERFECT grad school. When we visited to check it out (a billion years ago), the professor was oozing with how much he loved Dave and thought he would be a perfect fit. We (read: I) felt so good about this! The town seemed perfect, the program was spot on. Then he got denied. Which is not unthinkable. Grad programs are so competitive, and it's silly to think that the first (and only, so far) one that he applied to would welcome him with open arms. But I was so sure. Anyway, now I feel a little lost. I feel like our future is like The Shining, where you keep waiting for it to make sense and it never does. And then you google it, and find out that no one on the planet can make sense of it either.


So I went to the dolla store. And I spent with reckless abandon. My life feels so out of control right now, it was nice for me to be so in control. I could do anything I wanted. I ran around with glee throwing things in my cart. I bought like 3 things of nail polish. Even though I already have 17. Impractical? Yes. But I am being reckless! And I bought ammonia! And crepe paper! And cheetos! I didn't even keep track of how many things I was throwing in. I am like the wind!

It was nice. It was also the point where I realized that in The Shining, I am Jack Nicholson. I sit here and write stuff and snap at people. I miiiight be losing it. It's a good thing we don't have a hedge maze nearby.
 Because the resemblance is uncanny.